Well, today's My Utmost for His Highest reading really hit me hard today. The scripture used is John 4:11:
The woman saith unto him, Sir, thou hast nothing to draw with, and the well is deep: from whence then hast thou that living water?
Here is the excert of the reading I received in the e-mail today from StudyLight.org:
"I am impressed with the wonder of what God says, but He cannot expect me really to live it out in the details of my life!" When it comes to facing Jesus Christ on His own merits, our attitude is one of pious superiority – Your ideals are high and they impress us, but in touch with actual things, it cannot be done. Each of us thinks about Jesus in this way in some particular. These misgivings about Jesus start from the amused questions put to us when we talk of our transactions with God – Where are you going to get your money from? How are you going to be looked after? Or they start from ourselves when we tell Jesus that our case is a bit too hard for Him. It is all very well to say "Trust in the Lord," but a man must live, and Jesus has nothing to draw with – nothing whereby to give us these things. Beware of the pious fraud in you which says – I have no misgivings about Jesus, only about myself. None of us ever had misgivings about ourselves; we know exactly what we cannot do, but we do have misgivings about Jesus. We are rather hurt at the idea that He can do what we cannot.
My misgivings arise from the fact that I ransack my own person to find out how He will he able to do it. My questions spring from the depths of my own inferiority. If I detect these misgivings in myself, let me bring them to the light and confess them – "Lord, I have had misgivings about Thee, I have not believed in Thy wits apart from my own; I have not believed in Thine almighty power apart from my finite understanding of it."
This weekend, I was really bummed out, depressed, and overwhelmed. I feel like I'm supposed to do this Mission Service Corps stuff, but I end up and take my eyes off God–just like Peter did when he walked on the water–and get overwhelmed. Then, on top of that, I start to wonder if that is what God really wants me to do. Or, am I going down that path because that is what I want to do. Then, I start to wonder why no one has called me. Tons of people at work have resumes out, and they are getting called. Why not me?
Please pray with me that God will reveal His will to Cyndi and me. Additionally, pray for us that we will go where He wants us to go and do what He wants us to do.